I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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