your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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