Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
