First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
