my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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