Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
