Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
