How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
