either way he was missing a nipple.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
