community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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