You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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