remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
