So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You're a waste of cheezeits
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Im part way to drunk.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Couch. On fire.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
