I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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