can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
