i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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