super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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