If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
