were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
