just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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