bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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