Define "chronic" masturbator.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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