went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
