i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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