cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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