I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
