If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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