I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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