My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
