this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
