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I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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