im holly from the hills drunk
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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