thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize