i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
