i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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