You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
