remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
