He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
