You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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