i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
