i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
