Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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