Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
