My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
