Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She bit a glass in half.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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