I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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