dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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