jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
