I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
