You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
