He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
