We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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