OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
