He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
