It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she looked like the before picture.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
