My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Screwed.edu
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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