You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
