I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
