Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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