I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Randomize
