I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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