I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
