I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You ruined the universe
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
