When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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