I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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