think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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