I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
