he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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