god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
