why do cheetos always look like penises
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
