Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
