just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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