honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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