I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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